free

i have been thinking a lot lately about the people in my life that are there. or not. and the ones i love and the ones i don't.

there are people that you love because you have to. some would argue that you don't have to love anyone, but i disagree. you have to love your parents, your children, your family in general i guess. and then there are the people that you get to choose.

i just wanted you to know that i love you freely. i love you becuase i choose to love you.

done

well, i've done it.

complete and done. i've finished and it's been done.

:)

love

i find that the more i love the harder it is to love. i am in love with someone who i cannot have. the only other person who has been worthy of this distinction just got married 2 days ago and i am alone and lost.

i don't know what to do or even where to begin. i miss those gone - i forget those who are here.

- i need so much and want so little.

fall

mostly, fall is my favorite season. it's brisk and beautiful and everything changes. some things do not change for the better; some things do. my job is draining. my life is exhausting and i have no time to do anything fun. i do have the weekend off tho. so that's a bonus. i'm totally stoked.

today it is cold and rainy. i have lost something very important to me. summer is gone and i'm all weird. maybe i'll like enjoy fall more tomorrow.

posting

i've been working non-stop it seems. so i haven't had a lot of time to write things.

matt and i are technically "over" but since we're best friends, it's virtually impossible not to hang out and be together. it sucks. and i know it will get worse as the time goes on or when one of us decides we're going to start seeing someone else.

work is going well for the most part and i am going home in october for ethan's birthday. i'm totally stoked.

that's it for now. thanks for reading (all 3 of you!!! ;) )

time off

i start my new job on monday in emeryville. 8am.

i feel like so many things are changing and i am powerless to stop them. i don't have any idea what to do or say. i feel like i need a vacation of just being alone lying around not talking to anyone or doing anything.

i am very tired and i can't seem to figure that out either.

*sigh* oh well.

it's over

that's all. it's done and over.

a year and a half. gone.